Get Out of the Abuse Cycle and Find Yourself
You Didn't Land Here Accidentally
- If you are desperate and looking for a way to escape your abusive or drug-addicted partner, then you are in the right place. Landing on my page tells me you've taken enough abuse, and yes, it is abuse. You're ready to change your life but you don't know where to start. The biggest battle for anyone stuck in a situation they never saw coming, is to admit they no longer want to be in it. It does not matter what the reason is that you do not want to be there.
- Maybe you have experienced: *Physical violence. Maybe it only happened once or maybe you've come to learn what the abuse cycle is all about (below).
- *Being controlled. A narcissist will manipulate you to have power over your life. They might restrict your access to money and other resources. Maybe they decide who you hang out with if anyone at all. It's possible you can't make any decisions without his approval. If you're like me you were controlled by drugs too. There are many ways they use to keep you under their thumb.
- *Minimizes your feelings. You try to share how you feel but get shut down over and over again. You don't even bother expressing yourself or speaking your mind anymore. It's not worth the fight.
- *Isolation from friends and family. You can't enjoy time with family and friends without your phone blowing up with calls and harassing texts. They want you home for one reason or another, but really no reason at all. They will try any way they can to keep you from hearing the truth from rational people who love you.
- Maybe your partner is currently stuck in active addiction, recently relapsed, or is just getting clean, yet again. All at once you probably feel:
- *Exhausted. You love them but you're tired of the life that comes along with it.
- *Fearful. You're scared if you leave they'll get worse, maybe even overdose and die.
- *Hopeless. You held on through the tough times, hoping for a better future one day. You probably daydream often about the future that will never come.
- *Guilty. You feel like you're abandoning them after all of the promises you made to love them and be with them forever.
- Let's get one thing clear off the bat, you are abandoning no one by removing yourself from an unsafe, unhealthy situation. Your partner has abandoned themselves including their morals and values when they decided to pick up the drug. Ask anyone clean from addiction and they will tell you the same. Very many will also tell you the turning point in their addiction was when they lost everything and everyone and hit rock bottom. Whatever reason landed you here, if you identified with anything I've described, then I challenge you to take a leap of faith and trust the experience of others who came before you to help build you up so you can escape the life you are merely surviving and start living, maybe for the first time. You have no idea the amount of love and happiness that awaits. And you'll never know until you know.
Check out stories, tips, articles, and resources to help you get through this part of your life.
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I am Sharon Tova
At the time I am writing this, I am 41 years old. I have four incredible children ranging in age from 12 to 21. We've been through a lot together. The father of my oldest two children struggled with drug addiction. The father of my youngest two children, who I would end up marrying, turned out to be a narcissistic abuser, which led to our inevitable divorce after 10 long years. My older children witnessed most of the addiction and abuse while the others were too young to understand what was going on. Once I awakened, I was determined to create the type of life I dreamed of for my family. Our home would foster love, patience, community, creativity, individuality, fun, security, and trust. Even after leaving my marriage, I made many mistakes. I learned from every bad decision I made and started making better choices with every step I took. After leaving an abusive marriage, it takes a long time to heal. It starts with changing how you view yourself and discover who you want to become. When you are tied to an identity for so long, you find that you don't know who you are anymore, or maybe you never knew. Maybe you'll meet yourself for the first time as I did. Today I am a strong woman who knows what I want and what I don't want in my life. I know how I deserve to be treated and will accept nothing less. I will demand it. I have improved my skills at work and I'm much more punctual than I used to be. I have made myself more valuable by working hard and doing my job well and have earned myself raises and promotions. At several points in my life, I couldn't even hold a job. I have discovered my spiritual beliefs and have goals that I am working towards achieving. I am financially independent and continually working towards better credit and a better financial situation. I have an apartment in a nice town, that belongs only to me and my children. It's a small apartment but it fits us comfortably. Our home decor is adorable and perfectly matches my personality. Everyone feels great when they walk into my home, which has the serene atmosphere I have always desired. Not only have I been able to create the life I want, I met an amazing man who treats me in ways I never thought possible. Apparently, I never knew how it felt to be loved by someone until now. He has proven me wrong in my thinking that all men are the same. I never thought someone out there could naturally and happily meet my needs without even trying. Not a day goes by that he doesn't remind me that I am a beautiful, amazing woman and that he loves me with all his heart. The point here is to give you hope. Take the steps I took and create the life you want. It's going to be a process but I'll help you the entire way.